How I Feel
by Pharies
Summary: This is the repost of How I Feel. It's a bit of casey's thoughts and feeling on moving and changing schools. Hope you enjoy this redo. Just a little bit has been added. Will contain flashbacks. Will most likely end up a Dasey. hope you enjoy it!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N**: Well this is my first fanfiction and I really hope it turns out well. It's a friend of mine and I working on it so updates might take a bit because of schedules. Hope you enjoy.

**Disclaimer:** Unfortunately I don't own Life with Derek, although I would love to and I don't know my friend's thoughts but he doesn't own it either.

Chapter 1

Once there was a princess who got everything she wanted, and you would think she would be happy, but guess what, she was not happy at all. She never truly got what she wanted, and that was to be happy with her life. She had a void in her life that she never seemed to fill.

This girl is me, a fourteen year old girl who is not satisfied with her life. Although I really don't always get what I want, I have a lot and yet I'm not happy. I smile when I am happy and sometimes pretend to be happy so that my mom just leaves me the hell alone. She thinks she knows me so well, but she doesn't. I do not like being here, in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. She knows that, but she doesn't know how far I will go to be further from her, because the truth is that even though I love her I don't like being around her. I feel out of place, just like I do with my peers, well most of them. There are a lot of people in my life and I know that they love me, but I feel disconnected and untrusting of them for many reasons. One of the main things is that I get this vibe them. They seem fake. I can only trust a few of the people in my life. People that I have good vibes from and feel connected to in some way. One of those people is my younger sister, Lizzie There are so many people that I would love to meet in the world. Many are in the public's eyes, and even though I don't know them personally I feel as if I know them and that we would connect.

I wrote that when I really was fourteen. Now I'm fifteen, live in London, Canada, and my life is better. I have new people that I get good vibes from.

One of those new people is my slightly obnoxious older stepbrother, Derek Venturi. He's a pain in the ass but I can still connect to him in a lot of ways. I try to be nice to him but he doesn't want to be nice back, so I get pissed and yell at him, but I'm really just hiding that I want to be friends with him.

I have other people too, like my mom's new husband, George. He's nice and I can trust him to be there for me. Then there's his younger son, Edwin, and his youngest, a girl, Marti. Edwin's Lizzie's age and can help her at school. They seem to be friends and that's nice. Then Marti's just in her own little world and that's cool and all but she has no control, and she need's it, desperately.

I really do love my new family even though I have to go through a lot of changes and deal with more problems then I had in my old life. I mean I never had brothers so it's difficult to have to deal with the disgusting mess they leave everywhere. And having a six-year-old sister that's in her own little world doesn't help matters either because she doesn't listen to anyone but Derek. There's no order with the new living arrangements, such as having to make room that the Venturi's house does not have for my family, the MacDonalds.

Oh damn, I forgot to introduce myself. Casey MacDonald, fifteen-year-old girl thrown into an abnormal situation.

Anyways back to what I was saying, we have no space and we had to turn the house upside down so that each member of the family has their own space. People still don't have the space they wish they did, but they have a room to call their own. Some people don't respect other's space, like by knocking before entering someone else's room, and even though I say something, it's never addressed. Oh well can't blame me for trying and I'll try again at some point in the future anyways.

Not only did I move into a new house but I had to change schools too. Changing schools from private to public is hard. I mean the kids are so different. In private school people think that they're better then you, but they are still relatively nice, well most of them. In public school if a kid thinks that they're better then you, they treat you as if you really are less then them and I get so pissed off by it. I mean no one is perfect or better then someone else. I'm smart and beautiful and I don't think I'm better then anyone because of it. Everyone is equal, at least in my eyes.

And I keep having dreams. One minute my family, all parts that I live with, is happy and having fun and the next it takes a turn for the worse. I don't want my family to become a bad situation. That would be harder to deal with. Changing schools again, moving, and just as I was getting settled too. That would be so bad, and something that I really don't want to deal with. I like living with Venturi's even if there are some problems.


	2. Chapter 2

Sorry I haven't updated. I've been really busy and I haven't had time to put the story into the computer and upload it.

Disclaimer: I do not own _Life with Derek_. Although I wish I did, that way I could say what happens in the show. Snicker (snickers are good.) I don't own much though, unfortunately.

--- Casey---

There's a guy at school I really like. His name is Max. I told Emily, my best friend, that I like him and she started doing some digging to know what his relationship status is and what he likes, things like that. She was so happy that I was dating again. I haven't dated anyone since Sam.

Ah. Sam. He was nice and sweet and cute, but really dull. Plus we fought over the stupidest things. I called it quits for a reason people.

So anyways back to Max. I think he's hot and he seems nice. I hope Derek doesn't find out. He'll make fun of me and make things really difficult for me to date Max. I don't need another thing for Derek to tease and annoy me about. He already has so many.

"Hey Princess. You look out of it," I here from behind me coming from the only person who calls me Princess. The one, the only Derek! Ugh.

"What do you want?" is my response from my computer chair as I turn around.

"What do you think I want? I want to annoy you. What else could I want?"

"Why must you annoy me so?"

"Cause I don't like you and I annoy those I don't like. Duh."

"Well whatever," and I turn back around to face my computer so I can finish the blog I have minimized.

"There is something I want," he says.

As I turn back around to ask what that is, he turns and just walks out of my room. I swear I heard him say, "Too bad I can't have it," under his breath as he left.

Odd.

---

I got home before Derek and I still couldn't get what he said out of my mind. He said that about three days ago. It was bugging me, especially after I got home. I wasn't even home for a full minute before in stepped my lovely stepbrother.

I went into the kitchen to get something to eat and avoid him for a little longer. I wanted to ask him about what he said, but at the same time I didn't. I was going to try and go upstairs, but Derek was walking into the kitchen as I was leaving and I didn't want to talk to him even though it looked like he wanted to talk. I just walked past him and started going upstairs.

To bad he started following me.

"So…I heard you like that football player. Max? Right?" He said it with a slightly sad tone at first, which threw me off, but he face showed pissed off, not sad, so I was really confused.

"Yea. So what? It's not like you care." And with that I went the rest if the way upstairs so I could do some school work and listen to my iPod, which I got for Christmas. 80 gigabytes. Holds music and videos. What more could I want?

---

I got most of my work done and was relaxing when Lizzie came in.

"It's time fro dinner" she said.

"Ok. Tell them I'll be down then. I want to finish this chapter. It's only a page or two longer."

"Ok. I'll tell them, but I might be sent back up," and with that she left.

Books always relax me. I'm reading a book called _Poison_. It's getting really good, so I don't want to stop mid-page. I was listening to _Teardrops on My Guitar_ by Taylor Swift when Lizzie came in before. Now I'm listening to _See You Again_ by Miley Cyrus.

I try to incorporate music into my life as much as possible. I dance; listen to it while I do school work and while I read. I even sing a little too. Listening to music is mostly to ignore Derek.

I have to go down to dinner, although I'd rather just listen to my music and read Poison, but I can't do that. Before I even put the book down on side table and take the ear buds out of ears, even though the music is turned off, Derek just walks in to my room like he really need to talk to me about something.

"What do you want?" I say in a tone of slight annoyance.

He doesn't even respond, just leaves.

Even stranger.


	3. Chapter 3

Ok here's another chapter. I might not be updating for awhile. I got grounded. 'Nough said.

Disclaim: I don't own you know that. Why wouldn't you?

---Casey---

Dinner was odd. Derek never looked at me the entire time, and I was beginning to think I did something really bad for him not to even look at me. I mean he didn't even say anything mean to me all through dinner. What was that about?

After dinner I went to my room and listened to my iPod while I thought about … well … everything.

"_To bad I can't have it"…_ kept going through my head, and I was getting annoyed that I could figure out why.

I was also annoyed that I couldn't figure out what Derek was talking about. I mean he has finally made me go completely nuts if he can just say a phrase that I can't figure out. I'm Casey the smart one, not an idiot like someone I will not mention, cough Derek cough. Just saying.

Well I can't really say that much about Derek being smart or not, because he seems to be working on his grades, but I think that's so George and mom get off his case.

Wow I think about Derek way too much. I mean if I hate him so much in public, but I still want to be his friend, then why to I think about him all the time…

My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on my door.

"Come in," was my response to the knock.

It was Derek. What could he want? And why did he knock? Something must be up.

"Um…can I…uh…talk to you about something?" he stammers. He never stammers. What the hell is going on?

"Yea sure. What is it?" I say trying to be really calm, but flipping out on the inside.

"Well, I've been thinking about you a lot, and I couldn't figure out why, so sat and thought about it for awhile. I figured out that the only reasonable explanation to why I love to torment you and why I think about you so much is because…I'm…" but his sentence was cut short by Marti barging in my room looking for Derek, whom she wanted to play dress-up with.

"How about you just tell me after you play dress-up with Marti?"

"Uh…ok?" and with that he left.

I wonder what he was going to tell me…

-¤-

Ok so as I told you I probably won't be updating for a while on any of my stories, and I'm really sorry for that. It's really not all my fault I got grounded by my mom and now have to spend my summer with my father, and possibly my aunt. I'm truly sorry.

Tori


	4. Chapter 4

Wow, I actually got on the computer so that I could update just for you people

Wow, I actually got on the computer so that I could update just for you people.

Disclaimed

-¤-Casey-¤-

It was really bugging me that Derek hadn't finished what he was saying, but I guess I'll just find out later. I really want to know what that last part of what he was saying was, but at the same time I don't. I don't want him to say anything that would make stuff awkward between us. We are starting to get along without totally wanting to kill each other.

I really need to figure out how I really feel about him. I mean, do I just want to be friends with him? Or do I want to be more than friends? Or do I want to just analyze until I've overanalyzed this? Or would I rather just go out with someone else?

I think I'll take the latter. It makes sense that I be with someone who isn't my stepbrother. I mean, why would I want to be with him? He's rude, and annoying, and obnoxious, and sweet, and caring, and what am I saying? He's only sweet and caring towards Marti. He's like, never that way with me, although sometimes I wish he was.

Okay, that's a lie. He is sweet sometimes, but it's few and far between. Looks like I'm going to overanalyze this and still go out with someone else, two strikes, now I'll wait for the third.

Anyways, I already have someone in mind for dating, as you know, Max, who seems to like me, at least a little, has been bugged a little by Emily for his favorites and stuff he doesn't like. He likes burgundy, plays football, as you know, and is dating someone, according to Emily, but I think I'll find out for myself tomorrow. It works better to ask someone directly.

-¤- The Next Day-¤-

I was at my locker when Emily came up to me to talk, like we usually do in the morning.

"Hey, Case," she said.

"Hey, Em. What's up?"

"Not much, just don't want to be here. But who does?"

"True. Have you found anything else about him?"

"Him who?"

"Max," I said in a 'duh' tone.

"Oh, well I'm not quite sure what's going on with him. I mean, my research does have a ten percent chance of error, but apparently his on again off again relationship with Amy the cheerleader is on again. Don't go eating a gallon of ice cream because of it though. Go ask him…" but she was cut off by Max coming up to us.

"Hey, Casey."

"Hi, Max." Emily walked away, but still stayed close enough to hear my conversation with him.

"So, Casey, what are you doing on Sunday?"

"I don't know yet, maybe hit a movie…" and that's when Derek showed up.

"Hey, Princess. What movie are you going to hit and with and when? I mean, at least if you tell me that, I can make sure I'm not there to see you. I see you enough at home and here, I don't plan on seeing you anywhere else."

"Ugh, Der-ek! It's none of your business what I do, so just leave me alone. Okay? Also, I've told you many times before to not call me Princess. It's something that fathers call their little girls under the age of ten, not something that someone calls a sixteen-year-old girl who's their stepsister just to annoy them."

"Oh, well. Why should it matter? You are a Princess, so the name fits." And with that he walked over to Emily. I swear he does things just to annoy me.

"So, Casey, about this…" and I stopped paying attention to him then, as I was trying to hear Emily and Derek's conversation.

"Derek, she really likes him. What do you have against him?" She asked. I could tell she was upset that he was only asking her questions about me, because she seemed somewhat annoyed.

"I don't know. Maybe I just don't like him." And then he started to walk away from Emily. He walked by Max and me and said under his breath, "Maybe I just don't think he's good enough for her."

"Okay, sorry, Max, I have a lot on my mind and didn't quite catch what you said. Can you repeat what you said please?"

"Yeah, sure. I was just wondering what you doing this weekend."

"Oh, well I'm baby-sitting Saturday with Derek. I think that I might be able to get out for a little while to hang out with Em. Other than that, I have nothing planned."

"Okay, well would you like to go see a movie on Sunday, and maybe go to dinner?"

"Um…yeah, sure. That sounds like fun," I say even though I really want to just sit in my room and think about what Derek said. Oh, well. I guess a movie and dinner would help me get my mind of him.

-¤--¤-

Okay, well here's the other chapter for this, and I hope you guys will review. It says I have a lot of hits, but then I don't get reviews. The sooner I get reviews, the sooner I finish this story. The sooner I finish this story the sooner I'll update 'Another Universe'.

Also I'm going to revise the rest of the chapters a bit, but they'll still be up. I'm just going to replace the chapter with the revision.

Thanks and hope you liked it.

Tori


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